


Tate Mcgucket

by CARTOONSAREAWESOME



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Gravity Falls - Freeform, M/M, Mutilation, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, cyclops Bill CIpher
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-21 10:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9542753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CARTOONSAREAWESOME/pseuds/CARTOONSAREAWESOME
Summary: After his dads' divorce, Tate finds himself in  a living HELL. Tormented by demons and his own self loathing.





	1. Another dream/nightmare

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CaktusJuice (masqueOFmacabre)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/masqueOFmacabre/gifts).



> I want to give thanks to PowderedSugarFrost and mikethenightgaurd1 for their fantastic characters and ideas. 
> 
> More coming soon ENJOY

I was standing in a clearing in the woods, there was no sun just dull grey clouds above me. The air was filled with the homely familiarity of sap and fresh pine .This wasn't new to me, I was used to this place, after all I dreamt about it almost every night. If memory served me right I'll just remain here until morning, until I woke up. A word passed through my mind, it echoed in my head for a moment before fading. The word passed through again, de... The word slipped away before I could complete it, leaving me with bitter dissatisfaction. I wandered through the woods scanning the various flora and fauna, there was no wind or air here. My steps made no noise. 

All these things were reminders to me, that all this was an illusion, that eventually it would end. Some times I wished I'd fall asleep and never wake up. To have this type of tranquility for eternity is what I desired most. 

Suddenly the woods drained of color, it was as if I was standing in a black and white photo. A chill ran up my spine causing me to shudder involuntarily, the chill ended with a small burn that ran under my arm warmers. Their was an echoed laugh behind me, another chill, that crawled under my skin giving me goosebumps. I didn't want to turn around, he knew what was behind me. The word that had slipped like sand through my fingers earlier, flashed in my mind. DEMON. I swallowed the ball of nerves that had gathered in my throat, as I turned to face him. The familiar cyclops gave me a wide sharp toothed grin. The demon wore his usual ironic Bishops outfit, his gold eye glinting with mischievousness.

“Hey there arm warmers, what a nice little dream you were having” I rolled my eyes at him, I was not in the mood for his games. I gritted my teeth, shooting him a heated glare. 

“Oh Christ. Not YOU again. Listen, can you just fuck off. I have literally given you no power over my head, so you're pretty much useless here. So just get the hell out all ready” The one eyed freak had been haunting me since.......

“Mighty words for someone so vulnerable, Arm Warmers! I have more power over you than you think” His grin broadened,I lunged forward grabbing him by his neck, shoving him roughly. The demon seemed unfazed by me, my patience wearing thinner by the minute. 

“I said get out!” I yelled shaking him, the demon only shot me a smug look arching his eyebrow. 

“Oh what's wrong?Afraid I'm gonna drive you crazy? Like I did your precious mommy and Daddy?!Come on, don't be such a PUSSY! You're acting like I'm the bad guy here! I mean, who's the one at fault really Tate?Is it you? Why do you where these arm warmers anyway, Tate?” I let go of the demon, a small pang of dread boiling in the pit of my stomach. 

“What are you playing...” Fast as a circuit Bill lunged forward grabbing my arm warmers and yanking them off.

“...At....”I stared at the scars that crisscrossed my forearms, I felt my cheeks heat up. I'd never been seen by someone else without my arm warmers on, I felt exposed without them. 

“OH! OH! I KNOW! Maybe you think you're too smart so you cut yourself up, just to remind yourself that you should tone down your brainiac powers! So you don't end up like PAPA!”He grabbed my wrists staring directly at me. My scars split, fresh blood surfacing on my skin.

“EHAAAA” I yelled in surprise and pain, trying to pull away from Bill, the cyclops just tightened his grip. 

“Oh...oh,no!No, no, no, no, no! It's all of that! All of that and more isn't it you're not just hiding it for you. You're worried if Stan sees he'll think you hate him! He'll think, you think that he isn't good enough Pops, and so you have to MUTILATE YOURSELF JUST TO COPE WITH THE FACT. THAT YOUR REAL DAD ISN'T AROUND!!!!” The blood now ran down my arms like red paint. I knew why he was doing this, he was trying to get in my head, trying to fuck with me. The stinging increased coursing through my arms and through me. I bucked backwards, breaking the demons grip.

“AHHH!!!!!!”I charged forward grabbing at the demon.

“FUCK OFF!!” My eyes snapped open, and I sprung up from my bed drenched in cold sweat. I heard the thudding of footsteps coming from down the hall, my bed room door was flung open. I hid my arms behind me as my pops stared me from my bedroom door. 

“TATE!TATE, ARE YOU ALRIGHT!? I heard screamin is somethin goin' on?” He asked, his eyes were wide with concern. It brought me back to when he and ...my dad, would come running when I had bad nightmares as a kid. Back then though it was a sweeter time, every thing is different now. It has been for a long time.

 

“Wha!? Ah......, eh, no, no....sorry....just a....just a bad dream” I muttered, I didn't want to worry him. He'd been more distant since him and my dads divorce, and even though he smiled it never quite reached his eyes like it used to. When ever something came up about my dad, my pops would go stone faced, but I could feel his sudden discomfort. I would change the subject of the conversation as quickly as I could, slowly my dads discomfort would ebb away and he'd be in a jovial mood again. 

“Are you sure, you sounded like you were really fightin' in here.” He looked around my chaos of a room. I wasn't meticulous when it came to cleaning, my pops used to say I was like my uncle, but that seemed like forever ago. 

“Yeah, Yeah pops. I'm sure, sorry didn't mean to wake you. Goodnight” I plastered my most convincing smile on my face.

“Well.....alright then. Goodnight. Love you, kid.” My pops smiled at me, he was worried.

“ Love you too, Pops” I watched as my pops closed the door bathing my room in shadows once again. I waited a moment to make sure he was gone, before curling my knees to my chest. 

“Oh god....Someone help me.....” I whimpered, I hated my life, I hated myself. I know usually children blame themselves for their parents splitting up, but I didn't need to. I knew I was the reason, I'd always been different from other kids. Sure I liked base ball and sports, but I am different in every other conceivable way. After my sixth grade health class, Pop's and my dad had to explain my birth. I was adopted, nothing but a freak accident to my biological parents. 

I opened a draw to my side table and took out a old faded picture, in it was my dads they were on the lake with my pops hand sown fishing hats. There was one more person in the picture, but his face had been scratched out, this was the last picture of my dads together. After the divorce my pops moved all the pictures to the basement, all except this one, which I salvaged from the box of photos. I wasn't allowed at the basement, for some reason. The full isolation dawned on me now, and suddenly all the slightest noises that the old house makes seemed far too loud. I slipped on my arm warmers and slipped into the room next to mine, even with his lamp off I could see him.

“Hey” I murmured, sitting on the foot of his bed, the bed creaked as he shifted towards me. He put a comforting a hand on my shoulder giving it a squeeze. 

“Nightmare?” He asked, I nodded. I knew if anyone would understand it'd be Chris. He'd been living with me and my Pop's since I was ten, when his father dissapeared leaving him in my pop's care. Chris was my closest friend, my only friend, after all you're not very popular when your fathers the town loon. I still visited my dad on occasion, but afterwards I needed to take the edge off. My eyes subconsciously flickered to my arms. I fell back on the bed staring at the ceiling, Chris fell beside me sighing, his white eyes standing out in the darkness. 

This had become a regular routine since my nightmares started, we just lay in silence until we fell asleep. Being around Chris made me feel safer, he was the person I confided in. He knew what it was like to be fucked up like me, as long as I had Chris I was never really alone. Beside me I could hear Chris's soft snoring, he'd already fallen asleep. I chuckled o myself, quietly envying him. He could drift off so easily, I wasn't so lucky. I huffed through my nose in frustration closing my eyes. 

Tomorrow is another day.


	2. Gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another ordinary day?

I jolted from my bed my heart racing, a loud noise buzzing in my ears. I clutched my chest, looking towards the source of the sound. I groaned when I saw the alarm clock flashing six o'clock next to me. I hit the button silencing the clock, and falling back down on the bed. I could feel Chris getting up beside me; he was always up at dawn.

“Auggh, why must you be up so fucking early?” I moaned burying my face into the sheets, facing away from the sun, which leaked through the blinds of the bedroom window. Chris rolled his eyes stumbling towards the door; I got up to help him giving him my hand for support. Chris swatted away my hand like an irritating bug. He fixed his binder and continued walking.

“I'm fine” He muttered, Chris was born blind but he wasn't helpless. He could do pretty much what everyone else could; he didn't go out in public though. He didn't like when people would stare, he said it made him feel self-conscious. I understood more than anyone how it felt. My pop's is “Mr. Mystery” the con man who does tours to gullible tourists by showing them fake monsters he'd sown together. Then there's my dad who’s the town crazy guy, the insults used to bother me, but I was used to them now. Everyone in town assumed I was crazy too because of my dad, I'm not crazy just different and most people don't understand that. I knew when my parents told me I was adopted it was I lie, cause I look just like my dad, but to be honest I don't think I really want to know. What would it matter anyway?

In a weird way I liked having a mysterious origin it made me feel closer to Chris, he wasn't sure about his parents either. They left him with me and my Pops when he was a kid. Chris has told me he doesn't remember his parent’s just vague blurred memories. I sat up to stretch my slow, stiff joints cracking my knuckles. Chris jumped, I snickered I'd forgotten how easily startled Chris could be. Chris went red in the face slamming his bathroom door shut behind him; I looked down the hall for any sign of my pop before sneaking into my room. I grabbed some fresh clothes from my closet and tossed the dirty one into a pile.

I went downstairs in a grey hoodie, jeans and my new sneakers. I slipped my Walkman into my pocket while Hooked On A Feeling blared from my headset. I walked into a kitchen to make myself some cereal; I stopped in my tracks when I saw my dad making breakfast.

“Hi Pops” I muttered putting my headphones around my neck as I sat down at the table. He turned around with a big grin on his face slipping some flap jacks onto my plate.

“Morning champ. We still on for fishing Saturday?” I gave him a small smile and nodded as I poured some syrup on my flapjacks. I knew my dad wanted to talk to me about last night, I could feel how worried he was. Pops cleared his throat awkwardly and turned his attention back to the flapjacks.

There was a loud thump and a grumbled curse, and I knew Chris was at the bottom of the stairs. He usually forgot about the carpet and ended up bumping into something, Chris walked into the kitchen reaching out for a chair. He sat down next to me, he pulled his book out from his pocket his fingers tracing over the braille. Chris's dad had left it for him, a small book full of coded messages all in braille. I couldn't recall the amount of sleepless nights me, and Chris spent trying to decipher the damn thing.

I checked the time and nearly choked, I grabbed Chris who was mid chew and hauled him to the door. I snatched our bags by the door and handed Chris his, I waved over my shoulder as I led Chris by the hand. We turned kept running towards the school, the bell rang just as me and Chris reached the stairs. My heart lept from my chest when I saw Zane Corduroy and his friends sitting on the steps the boombox blaring. Despite the smile on his face I knew he was in a rotten mood. It was going to be one of those days; I put on my headphones full blast and walked to the entrance leading Chris. Zane steps in front of me folding his arms his lackeys surrounding us, Chris squeezed my hand, he was getting nervous and so was I.

I hated Zane he was a egotistical carrot top with a some kind of decease, if you call idiocy a decease. The kid liked to pick on me and Chris every chance he got, he was an ass. I really didn't want to get into this today, I was already exhausted from last night.

“Where you going?” Zane sneered putting his face unbearably close to mine, I had to resist the urge to punch his ugly mug. He greased his hair back with something that smelt like a mixture of oil and chicken grease. I moved back a bit we were in gridlock, silently daring the other to make a move.

“Move out of the way” Zane smirked narrowing his eyes, the compulsion to knock his teeth out was growing stronger. Chris moved behind me letting go of my hand, Chris didn't like conflict.

“Not unless you give me something first” Zane's eyes flicked to Chris, my blood started to simmer. I clenched my fists and gritted my teeth. Zane and Chris were ex's I knew that, but since their breakup Zane held the fact they weren't together over Chris's head. Sometimes I think he wants to Chris back, but after the shit he pulled the last time he knew Chris would never take him back.

“You have no right you jackass” I hissed lowly, Zane folded arms across his chest smugly. When he and Chris were together Zane would treat Chris like a thing, and the arrogant bastard still did it.

“Yeah Zane” Zane whipped his head around glaring at one of his friends. Charlie was a skinny ginger haired kid with freckles that covered his face. Charlie was a good kid; he was one of the few people who I could stand, when he wasn't around Zane of course.

“You betray me” Zane said coolly, Charlie backed up a step paling. I'm not sure how Zane has friends when he intimidates them like that.

“You only got yourself, to blame for that” I quipped Zane shot me a heated glare. I equaled his hateful look; unlike his friends I wasn't scared of him.

“You know I....” Zane began before Charlie interrupted him.

“He's right you are a jackass” Charlie ignored another one of Zane's glares as I high fived him. Zane's eyes went back to Chris who lent against the stair railings.

“Bet I could bone him” A smug grin appeared on his face, my blood was beginning to boil.

“Shut the hell up would you!? Chris would never sleep with someone like you, yah ginger prick!” I snapped, I suddenly felt hurt, it was from Chris. I realized I'd insulted Chris, shit! I looked over my shoulder, but Chris stared at his feet hiding his face behind his hair. Idiot, I told myself. I would have to make it up to him.

“Heh you know Chris got a big mouth Tate” Zane said earning a few snickers from the rest of his friends. Zane knew my weak spots and he loved to prod at them, whatever got my goat. It was almost like a sick pastime to him.

“You know if you keep this shit up you're gonna have a fat lip?” I heard a few chuckles at my come back, but a glare from Zane and the laughs stopped. 

“If I was you I'd keep my mouth shut” Zane leaned forward spit flying out of his mouth, I wiped it away in disgust still never taking my eyes off Zane.

“Heh, Like I'm gonna take the dumb advice o' some idiotic uncultured probably flea infested lumberjack, with little more than a sixth grade education?!” I wanted to hit myself for letting my accent slip, ever since the divorce I'd tried to hide my accent. It reminded me too much of my father that left me. Zane stood up straight, smiling at me in a arrogant, punch-able way.

“Sheesh. What crawled up your ass? Your boytoy don't seem to mind my fleas so much when he's choking on my dick!” I stiffened and everyone fell silent, I could see their eyes watching my every move. I knew they were excited, waiting to see if I'd blow a fuse and go crazy. I paid them no mind my full focus on the asshole in front of me, I was itching for a fight.

“What did you just say?” My voice was dripping with content; Zane either ignored it or was too stupid to hear it, as he flashed me a toothy grin.

“Chris don't mind none when my dick is crammed down his throat” Zane copied my accent; my blood was past the boiling point. No one talked about my family like that.

“I”LL FUCKING MURDER YOU!!” I howled jumping on Zane who let out a yelp of surprise. I slammed him on the ground before he had a chance to react and began to punch. With every slam I saw red but I didn't stop, the world around me became fused together. Noises became muffled and unclear, colors and everything else became a blur. I only knew what was running through my head, KILL HIM, MAKE HIM HURT LIKE HE HURT CHRIS!!! Two hands grabbed me and yanked me away from Zane. Everything fell back into place, I was standing next to Chris as Zane's friends hovered over him. Zane clutched his bleeding nose as the red liquid poured through his fingers.

Chris grabbed my hand and pulled me away, away from Zane away from the school. I followed Chris into the woods; we hid in the thick bushes just in time. Between the branches, I saw our math teacher Mr. Brown helping the Zane to his feet guiding the jerk to the nurse’s office. Great, I thought to myself, when my dad found out he was going to kill me. I looked over to Chris, but he was gone.

“Chris?” I called checking the coast was clear I called again, I scanned the area around me. Chris wasn't here.

“Chris!!?” I ran into the forest, my heart skipping beats.

“CHRIS!WHERE ARE YOU!?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update, been SUPER busy with my GED. I will try update sooner.
> 
> PEACE OUT!!!!


End file.
